the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize