I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
