There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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