we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
