I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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