Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
