Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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