If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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