If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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