i just wanna soil my oats bro
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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