don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So vagazzling was a success
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
