Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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