Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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