Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
