Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
