So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
