apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
