He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
