i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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