when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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