im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
