I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
