I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
