Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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