apparently the secret to your success is patron
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
