seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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