I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
