Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
