he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
