Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
