I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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