Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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