I think I just saw someone hide a body.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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