he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
