So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He passed out mid-signature
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
