i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
