What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
