"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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