he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
