Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
