Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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