she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
