ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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