I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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