We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize