Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize