So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
