I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
