dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
