Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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