grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
