I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
