you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
