my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize