Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
