The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
