remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
