I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
