I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
