I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize