And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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