I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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