Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
