Rock
Scissors
Fuck
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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