id be glad to
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
