shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
