I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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