I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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