I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
