theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
