UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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