he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
